Appearing in issue #43, October 28, 2013

Title: Dressed to kill

By Author:  Laird Long

Tag line: All the Halloween party guests were in costume, but Maggie saw through the murderer’s disguise!

Police characters:  Random police officers.

The gist:  Millionaire Wayne Morton’s wife is throwing a Halloween party and has asked guests to come in full costume with masks to disguise their identities.   Her husband’s reputation as a ruthless businessman and all-around unpleasant human being ensured that the guest list was short.  The hired caterer was still not there at 6:45 (party starts at 7:00) so Maggie, who was hired to serve drinks and food, was asked to man the door and direct guests to the living room.  She stood in a dimly lit hallway and greeted two pirates, a robot, a 1920’s gangster couple, a fairy princess, and two super heroes.  Next a ghost entered and went down the hallway.  She noticed that his shoes were beat-up.  Mrs. Morton directed Maggie to go upstairs and summon Mr. Morton as all the guests had arrived, and so did the caterers…at 6:58 PM.  Maggie found Mr. Morton dead on the floor of his study, the victim of a messy stabbing. Blood everywhere. The knife was still protruding from his chest.  The police were called.  Mrs. Morton said the knife was one of the ones she had had in the carving set on her counter. There was indeed a knife block with one empty slot.  The police ordered everyone into the living room announcing that before they called in Crime Scene they have some questions.  Maggie overheard one officer say to the other, “Look for bloodstains on the guests’ costumes.  The murderer must have been spattered.” Maggie studied the guests.  She saw the robot, two pirates, the fairy princess, two gangsters, a tramp, and two super heroes.  No one had any blood on them.  Before the police could begin their questioning, Maggie blurted out that she knew who the killer was.

Crime scene:  Halloween party at industrialist Wayne Morton’s mansion.

Clues:  The costumes.   Beat-up shoes. 

Suspects:  All the party guests, seeing as how no one liked the host. 

Red herrings:  None, unless you consider a late catering company as being possible suspects but it’s hard to kill someone and also make warm puff pastries at the same time though. 

Solution:  The tramp.  He originally appeared at the house dressed as a ghost.  Knowing his costume would most likely have to be disposed of, he wore a tramp’s costume underneath.  Maggie remembered the beat-up shoes and realized she hadn’t seen a tramp among the costumed arrivals. 

My two cents:  Anyone who has ever read my blog knows how I feel about stories that are factually inaccurate.  I’m so busy saying to myself, “Oh, for Pete’s sake, that would never happen” that I drift out of the story.  

Have you ever hired a caterer for an event?  They show up 4-6 hours before the event to prepare the food.  This story has the caterers being late… 15 minutes before the party is due to start and they still have not arrived. That's a little more than late.  That's a no-show.   Maggie was hired to serve drinks and hors d’oeuvres.  Where did the hostess think the food was going to come from if the catering company hadn’t been there yet?  Any why didn’t Maggie just go and serve the drinks?  That was her job.  But no, the hostess, a wealthy woman who lived in a mansion and had staff, had Maggie, a stranger, greet her guests at the door.   I guess the guests just helped themselves as there was no mention of any other hired help in this story.   The caterer arrives at 6:58…perhaps with a big bag of McDonalds chicken nuggets? 

Okay, cut all that nonsense.  What a waste of words, not to mention it’s just not germane to the story.   Just have Maggie be the person who greets guests at the door from the first sentence and get on with the story.  If the author intended to have the late caterers be a red herring, it just didn't work.  Not only that, with all the masked guests, we don't need more suspects in this story.

A note of technical accuracy:  Responding uniformed police officers don’t question people at a murder scene.  They secure the scene and call the detective bureau, who then calls in the crime scene unit.   This author has two lowly cops doing everything.  Also no police official would question guests together, or even let them gather together (they could taint each other’s memory and view of what they saw), and certainly not before Mirandizing them.  Very loosey-goosey police work here.  You know how much I hate that.

Another note:  mansions do have living rooms, but are ritzy parties held there?  More likely the affair would have been in the ball room, the conservatory, the library, the den…anywhere but the living room.  Also the story opens with Maggie standing in a dimly lit hallway.  Sounds like my house.  For a mansion I picture a large, airy, well lit foyer with an over-the-top chandelier, spooky decorations dripping down the walls,  tons of black and orange candles reflected on the shiny clean marble floors, and a center table holding an ornate pumpkin and flower arrangement.   It’s either a mansion…or they’re having the party at my place. Make your details fit the story.

The bottom line: The solution was too easy. You didn't even need the beat-up shoes.