Appearing in issue #39, September 29, 2014

Title:  Who did it?

By Author:  Richard Ciciarelli

NO STARS.  NOT AN ERROR. 

Tag line:   The detective knew that one of the big shots was responsible for the body in the trunk.  But which one?   

Police characters:   Detective Anne Caves and Sgt. Bascomb

The gist:    A patrolman noticed a car parked illegally and he ticketed it.  The next day, it was still there…another ticket.  Day 3 he finally calls for a tow.  At the compound somebody ran the plate and found it belonged to Joe Quinn, a suspected drug dealer.  At that point they searched the car and found Quinn’s body in the trunk.  He had been beaten with a tire iron, which was also found in the trunk.  Word on the street was Quinn had been looking to expand his territory into his competitor’s area.  Quinn had control over the north side of town, yet he was found on the south side, Mac’s territory.  The police speculated that one of the other drug kingpins might have done it and left the body in Mac’s territory to frame him.  Sgt. Bascomb  ordered that the three (?) men be brought in for questioning tomorrow.

The first man, Sam, told Det. Caves that the police have tried to finger him before and they had never been successful.  When Det. Caves announced to the three men that it wasn’t drugs that they were investigating, it was murder, and that Quinn’s body had been found on the south side of town, all eyes turned to Mac. Mac denied he had killed Quinn and told police that Quinn had been trying to muscle in on all three of their territories, not just his.  He said, “Maybe one of them killed him and left the body on the south side just to make me look guilty.”  Man #2, Lou, asked when Quinn died.  The answer was 3-4 days ago. Mac said he was out of town in Atlantic City at that time.  Sam accused Mac of having ‘one of his boys’ do it and stuff him in the trunk.  Mac said he was an honest man who owned car dealerships.  Lou owned a construction company and said he was an honest man.  Sam told the police he was leaving and if they had anything else to say they could talk to his attorney. The other two men soon followed him out the door.

Forensics called and said they had found fingerprints on the tire iron.  Sgt. Bascomb said “If we can match them to one of those three men or to one of their associates we’ll have a case. “

Crime scene:    The trunk of a car on the south side of town.

Clues:    The police never told anyone where the body was found.

Suspects:  The three drug kings.

Red herrings:    None.

Solution:   Sam gave himself away when he accused Mac of having one of his boys do it and stuffing the body in a trunk.  The police had never let that piece of info out.  (Kind of a miracle really.)

My two cents:    What a lot of hooey. There are so many wrong police procedures here, I don’t think the author has ever – ever – spoken with a real cop. 

Let’s start with the title. Boring and unimaginative.  Ditto with the tag line.  You got a body in a trunk, you got big drug dealers for gawd’s sake, and that’s all you can come up with??  Please tell me that Johnene and all her staff were on vacation and that the janitor wrote that.

First of all when a patrolman sees a car and leaves a ticket, he looks up the plate at that very moment to be able to write the info on the ticket.  The cops knew from day one whose car that was.  “Somebody” at the compound ran the plates?  No, no, no.  No.  As soon as they found out it belonged to a notorious drug dealer, half the squad would have been out there poking around.

They don’t wait three days when a car has apparently been abandoned.  They contact the owner and get the story, and they give him a small window of time to get it off the road.

Would you kill somebody, put them in the trunk, and then park it in an illegal spot if you don’t want it to be found?  Duh. 

The tow company gets called.  The tow guy can’t even take the car until it is inventoried by the police.  What if it was your car and you had some expensive stuff in there?  The cops, the city, and the tow company have to be protected against lawsuits.  So the car is inventoried, everything in it is written down before it is handed over to the tow company.  Everything, one would imagine, would include a body in the trunk.  

Sgt. Bascomb had the ‘three men’ called in for questioning.  What three men?  I think something got cut here.  All of a sudden we have three men. 

The police don’t wait politely for the next day to ask suspects to come in for questioning.  Yes, come in, we’ll talk, I’ll make coffee, you bring the donuts.  So here they let them have their breakfast, read the paper, go potty, then they ring them up.  ((banging head on desk))  Police go out right then and find them.  Before they have a chance to flee.  Or make up an alibi.  Doesn’t matter if it’s 3:00 AM, the police station never sleeps.  And if you’re a suspect, neither do you.

The police would never, never, never put all three men on one room and start questioning them.  Police Academy, Interrogation 101.   Never. 

Three known drug kingpins would never show up at the police station without their lawyers.  These guys have been in the system before.  They don’t open their mouths freely.  Unless maybe there’s cake and coffee. 

Lou asked the cops when the guy died.  Suspects don’t get to ask questions. Police don’t give out information that maybe only the real killer knows.  Yet these cops are spilling it like a whore in confession.

Sgt. Bascomb said “If we can match them to one of those three men or to one of their associates we’ll have a case. “  No shit, Sherlock.  How dumb do you have to be to be on that police force?  Bascomb, is your father the Mayor?

This was terrible.  I mean it.  No stars.  Not even one.

Appearing in issue #34, August 25, 2014

Title:  The late Mr. Dobbs

By Author:  Shannon Fay

  

Tag line:     Someone had decided that the wealthy investor’s time was up!

Police characters:   Detectives Sonja Nager and Ryan Burnell.

The gist:    Mr. Dobbs, a wealthy man, was found dead by his nephew, Connor, who had had a 9:30 appointment to see him at his office. The nephew, who called the police, claimed he arrived and found his uncle lying on the floor, and the office was a mess. He said someone had hit him on the head hard (yep, that’s what he said), and while checking his uncle for a pulse the nephew got blood on his shirt.  Detective Burnell admonished Connor, telling him he should not have touched the body.  Connor retorted that he wasn’t exactly thinking about a defense when he checked to see if his uncle was dead.  When asked why he was there to see his uncle, he claimed he was just visiting to catch up.  The police told the nephew that they had spoken to Dobbs’s lawyer and was told Mr. Dobbs recently learned he had a terminal disease and was planning on changing his will.  This looked bad for the nephew who might be cut out of the new will.

The detectives viewed the crime scene more closely. The furniture was overturned and papers scattered all around.   Post-it notes were stuck everywhere with dates and notes on them. Mr. Dobbs seemed to be forgetful.  A battery operated mantel clock was found on the floor.  The battery had come loose, and the time on the face read 9:45.  As the detectives were looking around, a woman rushed into the office.  She paled at the sight of the body on the floor. She said she was Dobbs’s secretary.  She claimed she had come in late this morning because she was sick earlier. She said Dobbs was a kind and sweet man, and he had planned to leave all his money to charity.  She told police that both Dobbs’s nephews were unhappy with that news. (Ah, the plot thickens.  Two nephews.)  She also informed them that both nephews were scheduled to meet with their uncle today, one at 9:00 (Sam) and one at 9:30 (Connor).  

An alarm began to beep, and the secretary explained it was Dobbs’s wristwatch, and that he always set it to remind him to go the gym.  Detective Nager pressed the stop button and noticed that the watch read 11:35 but the actual time was 11:05.  The secretary told her that Dobbs always set his clocks fast because he often ran late.

Detective Nager knew who killed Dobbs.

Crime scene:    Mr. Dobbs’s office. (Don’t you hate that double S situation with names?  I never use a character name that ends with an S just because of that.)

Clues:    The appointment times and the clock times.

Suspects:  The two nephews.  

Red herrings:    One nephew had blood on his shirt.

Solution:  When the mantel clock fell and broke it read 9:45 but it was really only 9:15, the time when the first nephew, Sam, would have been in the office.

My two cents:    Well…let’s see, where do I start? 

Begin rant.

 1)  Another rich man who doesn’t have security in his office building.  Not realistic. 

2) The police called and talked to the man’s lawyer.  Really?  How did that happen?  They find a body and they call his lawyer?  Lawyers don’t give out that kind of info on their clients.  Attorney/client privilege.   So, not happening.

 3)  The police tell this info to the nephew.  Uh-uh.  Police don’t give out details like that.  That would give someone time to form a convincing alibi/story for themselves.

 4) Mr. Dobbs was quite forgetful and had lots of Post-its everywhere.  What am I missing here?  Who cares?  He’s got a secretary to take care of all that.  Waste of words here.

  5) This man who had recently been diagnosed with a terminal illness still goes to the gym.  Okay, maybe he loved working out.  But me…if I’m going to die…I’m eating cake and ice cream.  By the gallon. Oh, and drinking will be going on.  Lots of drinking.

6)  The police yelled at Connor for checking on his uncle.  Puuullleeze.  And if the man had not been dead, and Connor never checked on him and then later Dobbs died… who would be to blame, huh?  It would take a pretty cold person to look at a relative all bloody on the floor and just say eww and call the police.  Not believable.

7)  The place was tossed.  Why?  The nephews knew their uncle was leaving his money to charity.  They knew he had a lawyer.  What is this guy looking for?  A copy of the will?  Is he that dumb to think the lawyer doesn’t have the master? 

8)  I’m not a fan of the train left the station at 4:30 and was headed east to Dallas at 45 miles an hour, and another train left Houston heading north at 4:55, traveling at 40 miles per hour…so what did Mrs. Smith have for breakfast, eggs or donuts?   But beside the fact that you have to write up a timeline to solve this tragedy (and I don’t mean the man’s death) what was the murder weapon?  I guess we don’t need to know.  It was probably the mantel clock but it got cut and is at this very moment sitting on Johene’s floor, still all bloody and stuff.

9)  I’m not sure why Connor lied about why he was there.  Both nephews knew about the will change.  This wasn’t just a “catching up” visit.  He had scheduled an appointment.  Maybe that was a red herring.

10)  Was it just a coinkydink that both nephews had appointments with their uncle today a half hour apart and Connor didn’t know about it? 

11)  One has to wonder why the nephews came to their uncle’s office to talk to him.  Doesn’t he have a home for family visits? And they had to schedule an appointment to see this ‘kind and sweet man’?

12)  What kind of kind and sweet man cuts his relatives out of his will for no apparent reason?  Maybe his terminal illness was a brain tumor that made him loopy.

Lucky 13)  So what’s the motive here?   There was a murder here all right, but it wasn’t the one in the story.  This author ignored all the problems, paid no attention to common sense, and just dumped all these loose parts together and let them hang.  And it sold.  Go figure.

End rant.

Too many dumb things going on in this story.  I think this is my first “1 star”.