Title: Scared of his
shadow
By
Author: Mary L. Johnson
Tag line: The
detective wondered if the burglary victim would recover from the shock!
Police characters: Officer Glen Stills,
Det. Becka Davis
The gist: A house was burgled. The victim, Henry, lived a quiet life. He didn’t go out and never had visitors. His house was spotless. He said he was agoraphobic and suffered from
xenophobia; that he feared crowds and strangers. He also had severe claustrophobia and
pathophobia; fear of tight places and disease.
The detective had taken a psychology course in college and knew what he
was talking about. She clued in the
officer, who seemed to have little patience for all this man’s problems. He sighed heavily, for example, when the man
was talking. Henry reported that he had
left his home to get his mail and must have forgotten to lock his door, which
he almost always does. A while later
when he was in the kitchen he heard someone in his study, a lovely room filled
with bookshelves. Henry said he had an
on-line business of buying and selling rare editions but lately those e-readers
had cut into his profits. Henry peeked
into the study and saw a man wearing a ski mask and gloves taking jewelry from
his late mother’s jewelry box that had been kept in a locked drawer. The drawer had signs of being forced open. The
jewelry was valuable and had been insured and Henry had a list of the items he
had prepared for the insurance company. Henry did not confront the thief
because he has a severe case of traumatophobia, fear of injury. He said he was scared and fled into a tiny
coat closet and hid until he heard the man go away. Det. Davis peeked in the closet. It was overstuffed with coats and boots, and
it smelled like moth balls. The officer whispered to the detective that he was
getting a phobia just listening to the victim.
Det. Davis
answered that Henry did not have a fear of money and that she was going to
canvas the pawn shops as she didn’t believe him. How did she know?
Crime scene: Henry’s home.
Clues: All the phobias. Henry’s business. Insurance on the jewelry.
Suspects: Some unknown intruder…or Henry.
Red herrings: Perhaps all the phobias acted as a drug to put
the reader to sleep so they missed the clue.
Solution: Henry slipped up when he claimed to have
hidden in the closet. A man with severe
claustrophobia could never have done that.
He faked the break-in for the insurance money because his book business
was failing.
My two cents: I have
stoopidaphobia. Fear of wasting my time
on dumb stories that don’t gel. Henry
bought and sold rare books. But his
business was being hurt by e-readers.
Huh? The detective was going to
canvas the pawn shops. I guess she
missed the clue that the jewelry was insured.
The title
fits, but the tag line is off base. Although
no one says the police have to be nice, usually WW likes kind people in their
stories, not police who make fun of victims. Maybe Johnene has a little mean
streak in her? Mean enough to make us
suffer through this story.
Two
stars. At least it was paced well. There were lots of phobias to keep the reader
busy missing the clue.
29 comments:
Despite the ridiculousness of this story, or maybe because of the ridiculousness, I was laughing my head off as each new phobia was revealed. It reminded me of a totally neurotic character in some comedy skit. The clue--I got it--but I thought it was pretty clever anyway.
There were lots of phobias in this story - some that I'd never heard of. I did catch the clue about the closet. The remark about the rare books and ebooks went right over my head. Wonder why an editor didn't catch that? If he had said "classics," that may have been better, for I think you can buy some of the classics for your Ereaders.
Sorry you didn't like the story, Jody. I appreciated the fact that it was quite different from the usual WW mystery. There were so many phobias listed that the claustrophobia and the closet slipped right past me, so I would say the author achieved her purpose.
Mary Jo, It wasn't that bad of a story but it did have some trouble spots. The rare book thing didn't make sense. The detective missed the insurance thing. Maybe it was edited funky. That happens. I did think the list of phobias was a novel idea. But people don't read my blog to hear fluff about the story, they read it to get entertained and maybe learn something about writing for WW.
PS Please tell me that wasn't your story.
No, no, it was only my comment. Besides, I think you have a great blog and obviously a great work ethic. You have not seen me published in the mystery story section and it looks like you never will.
Although I will tell it like it is, I do try to tone down the 'snark' for writers who are loyal to my blog. Next week the author is a Mary Ann Joyce. I believe she is a member of the WWWriters group. I haven't read her story yet, but I won't tear her apart if I don't like it. Maybe a little wound...but not a full -blown blood-splattered massacre.
And some people say I have no heart...pshaw.
As to you getting pubbed in the mystery section...sooner or later you'll tickle Johnene's fancy. And it will be a story you don't think will make it. That's the way it seems to go. Watch some old Murder She Wrote segments, and 'borrow' a situation. Just please don't have her be a friend of Mrs. Potts. I couldn't stand it. oooo...what if Mrs. Potts came to visit her friend in that little cozy Maine town and she ends up dead. Me likey.
@ Joyce. Yes, or just leave out the 'rare' books part. I imagine all types of book stores are suffering from the ebook evolution. The author did cover how the detective knew all those phobias tho. That was clever.
@ Tamara. As the little nervous guy danced around, I was thinking of two characters...Danny DeVito. He would be perfect for that part. I can see him wiping his brow and then throwing the handkerchief away. Or Jack Nickelson's (SP?) neurotic character in As Good As It Gets. Even Monk would work here. So the author did a good character job on him.
Jody, I thought of the man on the street segment on the Steve Allen Show (Ancient TV history, I realize, but I'm old enough to remember it.) Anyway, keep up the snarky jabs -- even at my mysteries -- if I ever get another one in there, which is unlikely.
About the phobias - I was thinking about him having agoraphobia (fear of leaving the house, right?) and then going out to get the mail, and THEN came the closet. Two phobias he went against.
@ Hannah Good point about the mail. I knew a senior lady who had agoraphobia. She had every inch of her walls in her home covered with something. One side was all pictures. One side was chairs. She collected like doll chairs, and one wall was covered with them. She liked to feel enclosed. It was almost claustrophobic to me. Her house sort of looked like a cluttered gift shop. But ... she was able to go out her front door, stay on her little pebbled pathway, and go get the mail. She wouldn't go any further than the mailbox. Never out into the road. And never for very long. So when I read that this character went for his mail, it didn't bother me. But supposedly he had 'severe' everything, and the word severe was mentioned several times, so this guy probably wouldn't go out for the mail.
Speaking of phobias as fodder for writing, I once had an essay published in a women's newspaper about my arachnophobia. By the way, Jody, I meant to tell you how sorry I am about your stoopidaphobia. (You have a great wit.)
My favorite mystery writing is about my Waffle Club. You printed the initial one in your blog, which I greatly appreciated. I only wish I could have written it well enough that the editors would have taken a chance on it. Well, it did make it to Johnene's desk. But no further.
An aside: Since you put the story in your blog, does that mean I could not sell it elsewhere as a "first rights" piece?
It may not have been your writing that was the problem, Mary Jo. I can't remember it now; how did the bloggers take it?
Come to think of it, maybe I can go back and look.
@ Mary Jo.
This is my take on it, and it may not be strictly legal. You didn't sell the waffle story. It was a discussion piece in a writer's blog used for the purpose of learning how to write a magazine story. I look at this the same as sharing your work at a critique group and getting feedback. If you had posted it on Mary Jo's Short Story Blog, as your weekly story, I might have a different slant on it. In that case it might be considered published. In any event, I can go find it and kill the post. It served its purpose at the time and will not affect my blog negatively if it is removed. Want me to do that? If so, remind me what month we did it in...
Strictly speaking, having a story appear on an online blogspot, or writers' critique service, is publication, since it can be read by the public. Even if no one actually drops by to do so, it has been made available to be read. Reading your story out at a writers' circle in order to get feedback is a very different matter - the spoken word is not breaking the prior publication rules for most magazines, especially as the numbers involved are unlikely to exceed more than a few dozen members. That said, in certain circumstances, reading a story to an audience COULD constitute publication. At a writers' conference, for example, you could be reading to several hundred people and that would be like a performance of your work. A recording of it for a 'talking magazine for the blind' could also be considered publication.
Your best bet would be to be upfront about it when you submit your story and say that it appeared briefly on so-and-so's blog during the writing process in order to get feedback. Some mags would be prepared to overlook that, others would shut the door. Similarly, when a magazine has bought your story and requested exclusivity for a period of time, you should not be tempted to think that there are exceptions. Exclusivity means exactly that.
@ Chris. It is a very tricky business indeed. I think this discussion and also some from the past led me to not post our rejections any more. Some 'experts' feel it is the type of exposure that counts. Some feel the reason for exposure is what counts. I have been told by a NYTimes author that the number of readers/listeners/viewers makes the difference. One entertainment attorney I used to work with claimed the exchange of money or a contract is what makes the difference, but another attorney in his office disagreed with him and told him he was in the Dark Ages. And of course it all changes according to the experience and knowledge of the 'expert'. I suppose a lawyer bent on making his client happy will come up with something that will fit some law or rule somewhere. Author beware is the best advice.
Jody, you're right, it's a minefield and very easy to get it wrong. I don't think a lack of payment to an author would cut any ice with an editor who has bought a story as unpublished only to find out that it's actually already been out there on public view. Your NYT author could well be right and it is the number of people it's been exposed to that governs what amounts to publication, but on the whole I think it's just safest to be honest at the outset and say where it's been before. That way no one can say later that there was any intent to deceive.
Very interesting conversation, ladies, especially for those of us who seem to be writing in an ivory tower, quite unaware of the tentacles of modern publishing.
Jody, I don't remember when you printed my Waffle Club story. I wrote it mostly for fun, but I did submit it to WW and it was rejected before you put it in your blog.
Tamara, readers of Jody's blog thought the story was "lively" but there were too many characters and that made it confusing. Also, the clue was ambiguous. So I will take all that into account when I write of them again. I actually liked the story, though, and I really am not a mystery writer.
I am in that tower, Mary Jo. Also, now that you mention the "too many characters" I sorta remember this story. I totally understand you writing the mysteries for fun. I wish I could think up more good clues (or find ones to steal), because I find them a blast to write. I just sent another one in, which I will not be surprised to get back from Gaddis.
@ Tamara. Good for you, sending off a story. It must be contagious. Now, I want to send one out too. Of course, first I have to write it...
Did I mention how much I LOVE this blog?
--Mary Ann (whose story is up next)
I've been away for a few days, and thought I'd chime in:
Seriously, getting back to the story at hand, about the guy with all the phobias, I actually liked this story, and thought it was a clever take on the mini-mysteries that we usually see. I caught the clue, but still enjoyed the ride.
I commented earlier on the story, but I do have a question that has nothing to do with the story. Around February 19th, I subbed a mystery to WW and still have not heard from them. It's been about 5 months now. How long is the turn-around time? How long should I wait if I haven't heard before contacting WW? 6 months, I'm thinking?
@ Joyce. The seem to go in cycles. Sometimes everyone hears in 3-4 months...then there's a period where everything seems to be backed up. I just read that Shelley, a WW writer, submitted in March, she just got back from vacation and found the contract in her mailbox, and the story will be in a September issue. So...I'd wait a little bit more, but after a solid 6 months, I'd inquire. It's a good thing that it's still 'out'...assuming it wasn't lost in them mail. That means it is seriously being considered. :)
Mine are forever falling into a black hole and having to be resubmitted, Joyce. But that happens with lots of mags - you wait and wait until you finally realise you aren't going to hear either way. In WW's case it may be because I am submitting from the UK, and postal times can add another few weeks to the turnaround time, so I allow around eight months before I rework the story and try it again. One thing's for sure, you definitely need a thick skin and the patience of a saint to be a mag writer.
I have a romance out since the first week of Feb. and am wondering the same thing--about re-submitting. I've never had to do that, but wonder if it was lost. I may wait just a bit longer...
--Mary Ann
@Jody and Chris, thank you for your input. I am developing a thick skin! When I submit to WW, I no longer wait with bated breath, anxious and impatient to hear something. The one that has been out for 5 months is a mystery. My first. One of the romances I have out has a safety-factor issue, I think, so I doubt that one will get past the first editor. The other romance is sappy and sweet. A bridesmaid story. Right now, I don't feel hopeful about it, either.
This past year, for me, has seen mix-ups and delays. Johnene did tell me that the company added some publications and that might have caused some misdirected stories.
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