Title: The missing
bracelet
By
Author: Marianna Heusler
Tag line: Ms.
Hopper liked being a detective even less than chaperoning teenage girls!
Police characters: None.
The gist: Samantha announced that her new gold bracelet
is missing. She is with a group of three
other teens at the zoo on a class trip.
She claimed she took it off in the washroom by the lion house because
the clasp was loose. She set it on the
sink and when a mouse scurried by the girls all fled and she forgot all about
her birthday bracelet. It was a hot day
but one of the girls wore a long sleeved shirt, claiming she had skin allergies
to the sun. Samantha went back to the washroom
while the girls waited and drank water, but did not find her bracelet. The janitor had closed the door and put up
yellow tape when they left because he was going to work on the clogged drains,
but he let Samantha back in to look for it.
He claimed he never saw it. The
three girls emptied out their backpacks and pockets but no bracelet. Ms. Hopper knew where it was.
Crime scene: Zoo.
Clues: One girl was wearing long sleeves on a hot
day.
Suspects: Well,
it can’t be the two girls who emptied their backpacks and pockets…unless one of
them swallowed it. So that leaves the
janitor or the girl with long sleeves.
Or, of course, Ms. Hopper.
Red herrings: A small one.
The janitor claimed he never saw the bracelet and that the drains were
clogged, but then he tells Ms. Hopper maybe the bracelet fell down the drain
and he says the bracelet is long gone.
So which is it, Mr. Janitor?
Solution: The girl with the long sleeves is wearing
the bracelet.
My two cents: It could have been the
janitor. He didn’t empty out his
pockets.
Instead of
wearing long sleeves in the heat and calling attention to yourself, as opposed
to rolling them up like a normal person, why doesn’t anyone ever think to stick
the goods in their bra? Just an observation. That’s where I’d put it. Not on my wrist.
This story
was laid out well and read well. There
were many spots that were “show not tell” moments. Everyone was cranky from the
heat, even the janitor, but the author never said what the temperature was or
even told us it was hot. She used deep
POV to get the message across. The author had the girls collapsing on the ground,
reaching for water bottles, and fanning themselves with zoo maps. One girl even suggested waiting in the
reptile house because it was cool in there. Another girl complained her tank
top was sticking to her. The janitor had perspiration stains on his shirt and
his face was red. Very nice deep POV work
on this story.
The title
was lame. The missing bracelet? That couldn’t have been the author’s
choice. After turning in such a well constructed
story, I doubt she would fall apart at the title.
It was kind
of obvious where the bracelet was but I still enjoyed the journey. I’m
going to give it five stars for the good writing.
