Title: The stick-up
By Author: Aimee Deschaine
MINUS 5 STARS. What was WW thinking?
Tag line: When the reporter Cora Willoughby heard about the bank robbery in town, she got right to work!
Police characters: Officer Mason. Officer Francisco.
The gist: Getting a tip that the bank was being robbed, reporter Cora ran over to the scene and started talking to the employees and customers. (I almost cannot go on… this is so absurd.) Customer 1 said: one robber took Todd, the security guard, and hauled him in back. She figures Todd was locked away. Then the back door opens and they let in another bad guy.
Bethany, a teller, said the alarm didn’t work when she pushed it.
Another customer said there were three of them, all wearing jumpsuits, gloves, and full rubber masks. He couldn’t see any skin color.
The bad guys robbed the bank and the customers.
Annie, a customer, said she walked in on the robbery and that there were five customers, three robbers, and one teller. (And a partridge in a pear tree.) She said that they stole her diamond bracelet she had borrowed from her aunt and she pleaded with him (she said his voice was male) to not take it, but he did anyway. She didn’t see the bank manager or Todd the security guy. Bethany told her, and anyone else that was within hearing, that the manager wasn’t there because he leaves at 11:30 for lunch, and Todd was being held in the back. WAY TO SCREW UP TESTIMONY THAT NOW CAN’T BE USED IN COURT. DUH.
Cora saw the police come from the back with Todd, the security guy. The officer nodded at Cora. THE POLICE WERE THERE! IN THE BACK. NO COPS OUT FRONT MAKING SURE NOBODY LEFT OR CAME IN. ARRRRRRGGGGHHH. (I’m starting to yell, aren’t I?)
This dumbass cop talks to another dumbass cop and tells him, in front of God and everyone, that Todd was in the back bound by his own handcuffs. He said he interviewed him back there where it was a little less hectic. (My right eye is starting to twitch.) IT’S LESS HECTIC BECAUSE YOU DIDN’T SECURE THE *&^%^ SCENE! (Now look what you made me do. L An exclamation point. Tsk-tsk.)
The bank manager rushes back from lunch. Chaos breaks out as everyone starts talking. (Banging my head on the keyboard now.)
Annie, the lady who got her diamond bracelet snatched, asks if she could leave now. They let her go. Before she left, she touched Todd on the arm and said, “I’m really glad you weren’t hurt, Todd.” Todd smiled back at her and said, “Yes, you should go, your aunt is going to be worried.” Cora tells Todd to give up the names of his two accomplices. (Well, it should be three. Let’s not forget Annie, the piece of crap that she is, who stole from her elderly aunt. Which, by the way, will get her and Todd an enhanced sentence.)
Gawd, I’m glad that’s over. (Going to get some aspirin now. Be right back.)
Crime scene: The real crime scene is the solve-it-yourself mystery in this issue.
Clues: Todd knew Annie’s aunt might be worried. How would he know that if he wasn’t out front when the robbery took place?
That was the big clue, folks.
He was in the back when she talked to EVERYONE. Of course, EVERYONE was talking, excited and probably loudly, and he could have heard that from any single person in that room because the police let them all get together and kibitz. Also once he got back in the front, according to the story, chaos broke out again as everyone started talking. Another chance to hear her story.
Suspects: I think the author did it.
Red herrings: I guess having the Keystone Cops on scene could have been a red herring. Maybe the cops did it. It would have been more interesting than this drivel.
Solution: The solution was one column long. A long, boring ramble about deactivating the alarm, pretending to struggle with the robber, him then putting on a jumpsuit so people would think the one bad guy let in another bad guy but it was really Todd. Then he went in the back and undressed and redressed and they put handcuffs on him. (Are you asleep yet?)
My two cents: Well, thank goodness we have reporters like Cora to handle situations like bank robberies. That frees up the police for other more important crimes. There’s not one, NOT ONE, statement that could be used in court. This is a defense attorney’s wet dream.
First of all if the bank just got robbed, there’s no way a civilian, even a reporter, can just enter and hang around and talk to people. The cops show up fast, within minutes, and separate everyone. People can’t be allowed to hang around swapping stories. Cora’s lucky she didn’t get arrested for obstruction.
Why did Todd have to pretend to be a robber? Isn’t two robbers enough? He could have sat in the back handcuffed while the other two guys grabbed the loot. But, of course, that was his downfall, as, according to this ridiculous story he was out front “robbing” Annie while she “pleaded” with him to not take her aunt’s bracelet. I guess a whole vault full of money wasn’t enough. They had to take everyone’s money and jewelry too. Morons.
Clue: That was the weakest clue I’ve ever seen. And it’s sad but true that it would have worked if the cops had separated everyone. Also, it’s the kind of clue where only the bad guy knows a detail. Yawn. How original.
Motive: Who cares?
Police Work: Pretty much the worst I’ve ever seen.
Writing : Don’t get me started. How much aspirin do you want me to take, anyway?
Characters: I’m speechless. And that doesn’t happen often.