Title: Lights out!
By
Author: Tracy Green
Tag line: Everyone
was in the dark about who had robbed the jewelry store!
Police characters: Detective Angela Chu
The gist: In the middle of a city-wide power outage the
city’s most famous jewelry store had been robbed. Police speculated that only a
skilled thief could have pulled off that stunt, someone who familiarized himself
with the work habits of the partners, became familiar with the building layout,
and understood the state-of-the-art security system. At the time of the blackout and the theft, the
night before, there were only two people in the building; one of three partners
(Kirk) and a trusted security guard. Kirk claimed he had been working late to get
the books in order for the accountant who was coming the next day. As he was preparing to leave the building, the
lights went out. He said he called for the security man but he wasn’t at his
station in the lobby. He said he was concerned
for the guard, as he was a bit elderly and went to look for him. He took the elevator to the parking basement
and found him in his car passed out drunk.
He said he was agitated and just left the man in the car, and he went
home.
Partner #2 (Lincoln),
who was not present when the theft occurred, said he and the partner #3 (Paul)
had attended the gem and mineral show at the convention and had been there the
entire day. He said he went home after
the show and assumed Paul did, too. Lincoln told Det. Chu that Kirk has a large
art collection and had recently been scrambling to gather money to purchase a
painting he desperate wanted. Det. Chu
thought perhaps Lincoln was telling her this to divert suspicion from himself. Chu also learned that partner Paul had hefty
alimony payments.
When Det.
Chu interviewed partner Paul he told her that partner Lincoln had a gambling
problem and that the jewelry store was insured to the max.
Det. Chu
spoke to the security guard who admitted he had been drinking and even left the
premises for awhile to meet his friends in a bar. He said he had had too much to drink and
decided to sleep it off in the car, never thinking he’d be found. He told Chu that Paul had overseen the
installation of the new security system and had bothered the technicians with
endless questions.
Det. Chu
knew who her man was.
Crime scene: jewelry store.
Clues: the power outage.
Suspects: the three partners, or the security guard.
Red herrings: Paul’s detailed knowledge of the security
system. The fact that the accountant was
coming in the next day to look at the books. Det. Chu’s thoughts on Lincoln trying to throw
her off the track.
Solution: Kirk is the thief. He said he took the elevator to go check on
the security guard, but the power was out, so how could he? He took advantage of the outage, and when it
came back on he found the guard, so he used him to lie about how the events
unfolded.
My two cents: I guess no one has
ever heard of backup generators. This is
a high-buck jewelry store in a multi-level building that has an elevator and a
lobby, with a state-of-the-art security system -- that goes down and leaves
them vulnerable when the power goes out.
Backup generators keep the security system operational, the emergency
lights on, and the elevators running and are part of every “state-of-the-art”
system. This is where the author made
his/her biggest mistake. He/she should
have kept it a bit low key in the security department.
The tag line
was cute but the title was ho-hum. I
know these are not the author’s doing.
Sometimes we
have no red herrings; here we have three good ones.
Well, every-single-body
had a motive here. I sure can’t squawk
about ‘no motive’. Gambling problems,
pesky alimony payments, art lust. Everybody pointing fingers at everybody else. And
to top it off they have a drunk for a security guard.
I have to give this story 3 stars. The pacing was good, no problems with the
writing, and it had motive out the kazoo, but the clue was not believable and
the characters were all sharks and drunks.
A bit over the top. Sort of a 180
from last week’s story that had blah characters and no motive.
17 comments:
I thought the pacing, characters and motive were all very good in this story. However, whenever there is a "power outage" story, it only takes me a minute to figure out who used something electrical, or said they did, or said they turned on a light or watched TV (when they couldn't have if there wasn't any power.) So although the solution was not difficult, I still liked the set up.
Jody, my husband is a security specialist. You wouldn't believe the number of people who will spend thousands for a top of the line security system, but not want to buy surge suppressors or even battery-powered backups. Usually, he is able to sell them only after a lightning strike or major power outage. Some people are strange when it comes to money. I immediately thought it was Kirk because of the elevator line. :)
Oh, I thought it odd that Tracy referred to the detective as Detective Chu, the detective, Chu, Angela Chu, and Angela. Did take anybody else out of the story?
I was impressed that they used "Chu" to name one of the characters. There is customarily no ethnicity in WW.
@ Mary Ann. I know, right? As soon as we hear that the power goes off we start looking for someone to say they used something that takes electricity. There must be a more clever way to use a power outage. hmmm... we'll have to think on that one.
@ Susan. It's amazing how cheap people are at the wrong things. I guess they're playing the odds that they're more likely to be robbed during normal conditions than in a power outage. Unless, of course, the thief caused it in the first place... :)
@ Susan. RE: The many ways to address Chu...I suppose the author is trying to not be so repetitive. It didn't bother me, but I generally keep it down to two. Either 'the detective' or Detective So and So would be my choices in a story.
@ Tamara. I've seen them use Spanish names before. I'm sure they have a huge Hispanic readership.
Spanish? Chu is a Chinese surname. I would like to see the WW stories use some ethnic characters. E Pluribus Unum, folks.
I know it's off-topic but was wondering...Does anyone else write the mini-mysteries in first person? I do that in every story I submit, but I don't see it very often, or I just don't read enough of them to know for sure??
@ Mary Jo. You were commenting on the unusual use of ethnic names and I was adding that I've also seen Hispanic references.
@M I don't see a preference in their guidelines, but most of the stories are in third person. I believe I've heard Kate say she runs across a romance in first person every once in a while, so they're not taboo. My thought is... don't give them a single reason to reject. Change your story to third person for the WW submission.
It was just an inquiry to see if I was in the minority. The two stories that were accepted by WW were in first person, so I think I'm O.K. continuing with my preferred format. Plus, no matter if you don't give them any reason (at least in the author's mind) to reject, they will come up with one anyway...sometimes.
what a crappy job they have... crushing author's dreams.
I've had a few romances published that were in the first person. I haven't tried that in the mysteries, but I don't see a problem with it. If it's done right, it can actually enhance some stories. I say stick with it if that's what you like!
I've never seen a first-person mystery pubbed in WW, but I've read romances in both first person and third person. A friend of mine, Birdie Etchison, had a romance pubbed in WW a few years ago. Birdie wrote it in first person, present tense. I don't recall having read another one like that. It is beautifully written.
I love to write in first person. Sometimes it presents POV issues, however, especially with descriptions.
I've had romances in firt person published, in present tense as well. I don't think it's a reason for rejection.
Post a Comment