Friday, August 1, 2014

Appearing in issue #31, August 4, 2014


Title:  Playing a part

By Author:  Mary Ann Joyce

  

Tag line:     The detectives discovered that not all the drama at the community theater happened on stage!

Police characters:   Detective Emma Logan and her partner Zach Jones.

The gist:    The police were called to the Palace Theater on Monday when it was discovered that all the proceeds from the weekend shows was missing.  The theater manager told police the money from the ticket sales and the concession was gone. He told them this loss will ruin them.  He informed them that last night the theater had hosted the Caribou Club, big spenders and big partyers (my spell check hates this word). While there Det. Logan noticed actors on stage rehearsing.  The scene included a lot of pushing and shouting.  The manager told police although it was acting, the two men (Jason and Will) hated each other.  Jason was a terrible flirt and even made a play for the other’s wife.

Det. Logan asked the manager to run through last night’s procedure.  He told her after the performance they all celebrated the sold-out weekend, and then everyone pitched in to clean and close and they all got out around midnight. Will organized the cleanup crew, Jason and the manager counted cash, sorted it, wrote receipts and then Jason put the money in the safe around midnight.  Jason left at that point. Will locked up and drove the manager home because he had had too much to drink.  Usually the money gets deposited in the morning but because of a hangover the manager came in late and intended to get to that deposit later in the afternoon.   When he arrived, Will was waiting on stage to start rehearsal and Jason was in the reception area signing for some packages he had ordered.  He added that Jason always flirted with the mail lady and she appeared to have fallen for him.  He noted that Jason, the more handsome of the two, was the actor that brought in the crowd.  The men took the stage and the manager opened the safe.  He claimed no one but he had the combination.

The detectives reviewed the security footage and did not find anyone else entering the theater.  They spoke to Jason first.  He concurred that he put the money in the safe and then left shortly before midnight.  He said he checked his watch because he had a late date, and that she could verify his whereabouts.  Will told the police that he had a dislike for Jason and that while Will was sweeping and putting away props, Jason was counting money and pouring drinks for the manager.  He said he saw him place the money in the safe.

Crime scene:    The Palace Theater.

Clues:    Only the manager had the combination.

Suspects:  The two actors and the manager.

Red herrings:    The fact that the Caribou Club men had the reputation as drinkers and partyers made me think one of them had maybe come back.

Solution:  Jason did put the money in the safe, but he didn’t lock it.  Then he came in early, removed the money bag, and gave it to the mail carrier, his partner in crime.  Jason made sure the manager would have a hangover and get in late. When the mail carrier learned that Jason had a date after the show, and it wasn’t her, she ratted him out.

My two cents:   Bottom line: Never mess with a woman’s heart. Basically this story hung together and the pacing was good. The author had three suspects and a bit of a red herring.  In the beginning of the story the marquee read: Easy Money…Best show of the season. The author brought that back around at the end when she said, “This is the best show of the season.”  Nicely done. The tag line fit the story and the title was good.

 What is missing here is a motive.  Was someone’s car payments late?  Did someone have a gambling problem?  Why would Jason, the popular actor who brought in the crowd, ruin his own theater?   Perhaps another theater had been trying to get Jason to work for them, so he didn’t care?  We need a motive.

Little stuff:  If I had written this I might have added that Jason had a late date with a new woman, or one of the girls at the theater, just to be clear he wasn’t with the mail lady.  This might work to add the element of jealousy to the mix.

     Although the police work was good, what tipped off the detective wasn’t clear.  Perhaps because Jason poured the drinks that got the manager drunk?  Everyone was celebrating, so that didn’t stand out to me. Both men were counting money and drinking.

      They wrote ‘receipts’?   Deposit slips maybe?  I’m not sure what receipt means. But then I’ve never worked in a theater so maybe I’m not in the loop.

4 stars.  Can’t give it five without a motive.

22 comments:

Tamara said...

This was another story in which I found no clue sneakily revealed and it had a long solution that was a story in itself. This gives me hope that they'll publish the one I just sent in, in which I couldn't figure out a way to directly reveal the clue. I liked the title and tag line, too.

Mary Ann said...

The editors did make my solution a bit longer than I had written it. Also, Jody, I agree with you, more of a motive would have been useful in my story. I thought the fact that the handsome actor was unlikeable and untrustworthy might be reason enough for him to steal. But I see your point.
@Tamara, I was a little surprised they used this story of mine, too. I have other stories rejected where I thought my clue was better.

Tamara said...

I'm glad you got the check, Mary Ann. It was a cute story anyway. Maybe mine will make it, and I'll remind you when it gets posted here for the slash session (ha).

Jody E. Lebel said...

I liked the fact (and I think Johnene did too) that he's an actor and he acted like he was properly putting the money in the safe, but he didn't click the lock. The readers didn't even think of that, especially since his enemy told police he couldn't lie, that he saw the man put the money in the safe. We all just assume the safe is locked. Hah! so much for assuming. So MJ fooled us on that one. But you see, if Johnene likes a premise, even if it doesn't have a clear motive, she still bought it. It's all in pleasing Ms. J.

@ Tamara...that would be slash ...and burn, gurl. :)

Mary Ann said...

Thanks, Jody, for only "slicing" and not quite "slashing." ha! It's difficult to get everything you want into the 700 words, and I know I am much better at the romances, but the mysteries are fun to try. I see areas where I could have improved the story for sure. I will keep at it. @ Tamara: I have your back.

Tamara said...

I could still get it back from first editor, but I'm keeping my padded suit and spray water bottle handy, just in case. Got a romance back today. Didn't work for Johnene (she should create a stamp with those words and prevent writer's cramp).

Jody E. Lebel said...

@ Tamara. Oh, poop. Sorry about the big R. Just didn't work for her, huh? Beef it up and resub it somewhere. One of my WW rejects is in the latest volume of Chicken Soup for the Soul books.(The Cat Did What?) $200 is better than no $$.

Tamara said...

Jody, tell me more. What was the story about that it would be a fit for both WW and Chicken Soup? I sent them a true story, they held it for three years, and I finally gave up. I'd be most happy with $200.

Jody E. Lebel said...

You have to look at what their next couple of anthologies are about and slant one of your stories to fit the theme and the word count. The collection for this book was about cats doing... stuff. My cat in the WW story was a shelter cat and he kept going over to the neighbor's, which of course was a great looking single guy. The cat left paw marks on the guy's car and well...1200 words later (or whatever is it) the cat managed to get the couple together. So I sent it in and voila. It'll be in book stores Aug 19th.

Mary Ann said...

I got a rejection for a romance yesterday, too. It was out a very long time, probably since the first week of Feb. Johnene liked it but said the Editor in Chief declined. Must be time to clear some desks...

Jody E. Lebel said...

@ Mary Ann. Wow...you made it right to the top of the food chain. That was so freakin' close. You're hot. Send some mojo our way, will ya?

Mary Jo said...

Jody, I just checked the guidelines for Chicken Soup for the Soul, and it specifically states "Your story must be true. No fiction, no creative writing." And it must be written in the first person. My WW stories are not "true" and seldom come from a personal experience. So it doesn't look like any of my WW rejects would fit their publication.

Tamara said...

What did Johnene say, Mary Ann: "Sorry this cute romance didn't make it"? That's what she's sometimes told me when she sends it to EIC for approval and EIC doesn't agree. Once she said, "I guess the editor-in-chief wasn't as charmed by your story as I..." I didn't know CSFTS would publish something about a cute cat. I have to look again, Jody.

Mary Ann said...

Yes, something like "Sorry but the EIC declined this story." It was mostly disappointing because they had it for so long that I knew it was being considered closely. Oh well. Moving on.

As for CSFTS they use stories about Everything --babies, dogs, cancer, teens, writers, mothers, you name it...

Joyce Ackley said...

I heard back from the mystery I subbed in Feb. It was a No. The story did make it to Seattle, but there were no words of wisdom from
Johnene. It was the first time I've written and subbed a mystery, so I'm pleased my mini made it that far at least. Still have two romances out.I'm discouraged at this point.

Jody E. Lebel said...

@ Joyce You have to consider the odds. WW receives in the ballpark of 10,000 stories a month. They only pick 4. That your story made it past the first reader is an accomplishment right there. One of the more prolific WW story sellers, John Floyd, told us he has over 50 rejections with WW...but he has sold 70-plus (I've lost count now there are so many) stories. Don't let a rejection get you down. You're in the game. Magazine editors are reading your stories. Next time might be the one. It's all in tickling Johnene's fancy...and the EIC's also. In the meantime, see if you can resell your story to another magazine. Yes, you'll have to rework it a bit. I just sold a rejected WW romance to Cosmopolitan UK this week. Chris turns her stories around and sells all the time. I think she just told me she has sold 4 this month. So keep your chin up. You're in an elite club. Have a cupcake. :)

Jody E. Lebel said...

@ Mary Jo. There are no truth police running around checking to see if stories are really real. Write about what happened to a 'friend' of yours. It's easy to change a story to first person.

Tamara said...

Good point,Jody, about the truth police. Also, I'm now going to look up Cosmo UK. Do they have fiction? The Cosmo here doesn't, as far as I know, and I understand that, for an article, one needs an agent.

Jody E. Lebel said...

@ Tamara. Here is the link to their on-line submission site. I see that they are asking for 800 words. I think that might have changed since I submitted because I sent them 996 words and they bought it. I'm pretty careful to keep within the guidelines. Don't want to give them any dumb excuse to reject it. Either they loved it and took it anyway or they might cut the heck out of it... we'll see. My story was an old WW reject that I enhanced. When you look at their cover they almost look like a True magazine. My story is about a woman who reads too many romance mags and wants her husband to be more like the heroes she reads about, so it may be an every-woman story for them. Not sure where they'll slot it. This is a first for me with them. The link looks wonky, but I just tried it and it worked.

www.cosmopolitan.co.uk/campus/cash-and-careers/student-careers/write-for-cosmopolitan#ixzz2ujnqukgL

Jody E. Lebel said...

@ Tamara. Cosmo USA wants you to query them and send clips. I don't think you need an agent. Here's the link.

http://www.ehow.com/how_5733070_submit-article-cosmopolitan-magazine.html

Also cosmopolitan.com their on-line version I think, takes essays and pays $100.

Tamara said...

Thanks for this information. I had given up on Cosmo USA and didn't even know about the online one. One more question, is your story racy at all? I know their stuff is as sexy as WW is purient.

Jody E. Lebel said...

@ Tamara. My Cosmo story is pretty mild. It talks about 'a full blown quiver' and wanting that old 'zing' but it's not racy at all. It's humorous, which I think got the sale.