Title: Bank caper
By
Author: Herschel Cozine
Tag line: The detective was off-duty when the problem
occurred, but his interfering mother-in-law was on the case!
Police characters: Police detective (not
named in this piece) and Gladys, his mother-in-law
The gist: On his day off this detective was stuck
driving his mother-in-law to her hair appointment. The salon was located next to a bank. As they arrived at the salon a woman came
rushing from the bank, pointing to a retreating man, and yelling that he had
robbed her of $50. The detective
escorted the man back to the woman and notified him that he was accused of
stealing her money. He claimed he had
just gotten it out of the ATM. She
claimed she had been filling out a deposit slip and the man grabbed her money
and left the bank. The detective asked the man for an ATM receipt which he said
he threw in the trash. Said trash can
was located and no receipt was found.
The man claimed the woman must have dug the receipt out of the trash in
order to blame him.
Gladys told
her son-in-law that that man was lying and to have him give the woman back her
money. How did she know?
Crime scene: Outside the bank.
Clues: The amount of money.
Suspects: Only
the man.
Red herrings: None.
Solution: ATMs
only dispense twenty-dollar bills. He
couldn’t have withdrawn $50.
My two cents: Well, once again the
old lady saved the day. WW loves old
ladies. My problem with this story is
that the officer, who is a detective, is always portrayed as being dumb. This story has him poking through the trash
can instead of asking the bank for their security video footage, not only of
the inside of the bank where she was filling out her deposit slip, but also of
the ATM machine. And who doesn’t know
that ATMs only dispense 20s? Apparently
our trained, years-on-the-job, passed-the-detective-exam officer didn’t. Good thing he had an old lady with him.
I’ll give
this story 3 stars for being well written and moving at a good pace, but I didn’t
enjoy watching this man fumble around and be made to look like an idiot.
7 comments:
I didn't spot the clue, simply because I'm English! Here, the amount he'd supposedly got out of the machine wouldn't be a clue because our cash machines DO dispense money in tens, in the shape of ten pound notes, as well as twenties. It was a well told story other than that, but just not solvable to a UK reader.
I got the clue easily, but I still thought the story was clever enough. I do agree, though, that the detective was pretty inept and he didn't have to be; the story would have worked without the Fumbles the cop routine. Interesting about the ATMs in England, Chris. I've always wondered why we have to stick to 20s.
Just a quick aside... Good Housekeeping magazine is running a non-fiction comp with a prize of $2,000 on the subject of 'All About Love'. Details available at; http://www.goodhousekeeping.com/family/blogs-books/all-about-love-writing-contest
Closing date is in September, so bags of time to get something written.
@ Chris
It's definitely worth entering. Thanks for the lead. 2000-3000 words is high for me...but I'm going to take one of my stories and s-t-r-e-t-c-h it. Only adding fabulous things, of course.
I thought this story was okay. The little old lady thing and fumbling detective is a bit of a rip-off of John Floyd's Mrs. Pott's character, so I would have liked to see something a little different. Like if WW really likes little old ladies solving the crimes, make it two twin sister little old ladies or something. It was well-written though, and these are difficult to pull off easily, in my opinion. I knew the solution right off the bat, but it was still a well told mini story.
Also @ Jody, the contest Chris mentioned is for Nonfiction, not fiction. So you'll have to recall an old flame (or new one...).
@ Mary Ann
I just rewrite the story in first person and pretend it's me. :)
About ATMs, we drove by a gas station in a poor neighborhood with a sign saying the ATM inside dispenses $5 and $10 bills.
Years ago I wanted to withdraw $40. The machine said it had only $30 in it, and would a $20 and a $10 be acceptable to me? I said yes & that's the only time I've ever gotten anything besides a $20 from the ATM.
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