Published on 20th December 2013 in IUE Magazine
1) Sight. Sight is the cardinal sense. Generally before
you smell, hear or taste something, you see it. When you're writing, don't just
see it, really see it. Get specific.
She wore
a pretty blue dress.
She wore a blue dress, the same one
she had on the day we met. The one that matched her eyes, showed her curves,
and made my mouth go dry.
The male
character above doesn't describe the dress, the pattern or style, but what he
remembers about it, what it does to him when he sees it. And we are swept
along.
The full
moon rose slowly over the trees.
The full moon rose slowly over the
trees blanketing the farm with its pale glow. An old hound dog kept watch from
the safety of the rickety porch, the sparkle of the wet grass reflected in his
eyes.
· Use comparison or contrast.
The moon rose slowly over the trees
and rained down beams of light through the branches, like a mother ship
searching for her workers.
· Or add a unique detail that will
deepen the POV (point of view).
The full moon rose slowly over the
trees casting eerie shadows on the campsite. It gave John the creeps and he
edged closer to the fire. The same moon rose on the night the three children
went missing.
2) Sound. The world is not a quiet
place. Even in the still of the night you can hear the hum of the refrigerator
or the ticking of a clock. My cat snores. Close your eyes and listen to the
rustle of a candy bar being unwrapped or the sounds of birds at a feeder. Then
describe the sounds, not the action. Use this newly discovered sensory
information to enrich your story.
The room
was noisy.
Marco sat alone at the table nearest
the door so he wouldn't miss her. The clank of heavy plates
drifted from the kitchen and fought with the steady hum of couples in
conversation. Ice clinked as it settled in his water glass. He ran his fingers
over the drops of condensation and watched them make tracks down and onto the
tablecloth. His watch read 9:30. She wasn't coming.
What does
dripping water sound like? You wouldn't write drip, drip, drip. Make your
readers hear it. You could use splat, or plonk, or plop. How about rain? Listen
the next time it rains. You might be surprised to learn it sounds like bacon
cooking.
3) Touch. Let your characters feel their
surroundings through their skin and their bodies. Loud music is felt all over.
It comes up through the floor, in through your feet and hammers in your chest.
Really loud music pulses in your ears. A good writer would use all of those
sensations to describe the scene.
He went
for a swim in the cool pond.
The sudden plunge into the cool water
took his breath away and raised goose bumps on his arms. Kamir had been
swimming in this pond since he was a kid. Swirling his hand in the dark water,
it still held the promise of boyhood laughter and summer bike rides. (At this point I would also add how
the woods and water smell, but that's the next item in this article.)
· Feelings can be non physical.
Her marriage felt like the beach
after a storm; messy, tangled and trashy.
4) Smell. Smell is the sense that is most
linked to memory. A simple smell can take you back to grandma's house at
holiday time, or back to your desk in grade school. (For me, that would be the
smell of coloring crayons.)That stinks," said Seth, holding his hand over his nose.
"That stinks like rotten
meat," said Seth, clamping his hand over his nose. (Clamp was a stronger
word for a stronger smell.) He staggered back until he hit the wall. "I'm
going to be sick."
· Stay away from 'nose wrinkling'. It
is way overdone in today's literature. Also keep away from having your
character "make a face". That's telling. Show us.
Eyes
squeezed shut, his face caved as though he were going to cry.
· You can layer smells. Let's go back
to the swimming pond.
He took in a deep breath and smelled
the damp earth, the kind worms loved, and rotted trees from the nearby woods.
That, along with the pungent bite of algae and slime in the water, an odor that
stuck on your swimsuit long after it dried.
· You can use the sense of smell to
suggest mood.
The girl's willingness to commit a
crime smelled like an opportunity to Clark.
Something smelled fishy but he went
along with it anyway.
5) Taste. My
personal favorite and the sense that gets the least use in fiction writing. When
you do get to use taste, don't rush it.
The cake
tasted good. (You
can't get much more boring than that sentence.)
The sweet butter cream icing melted
on my tongue. The word delightful came to mind. I closed my eyes to savor the
richness of the warm spice cake and knew I would have a second piece before the
end of the night.
· Your characters don't eat or drink
very often, so use taste to suggest other things.
Winter has always tasted like hot
chocolate to me.
Her kisses tasted like strawberries
in the sun.# # #
3 comments:
I notice no one has taken the time to post a comment on this article yet. Probably they were too busy getting ready for Santy Claus. You have made some points all of us can take to heart. I do think some of it is over-written, but it certainly is not boring. With the limitations imposed by WW, though, one has to go more for the Hemingway style. Succinct.
You're right, Mary Jo, Christmas was a time-consuming affair and pretty much everything else got pushed aside. This was an interesting article, full of good advice. Unfortunately, I think the majority of women's mags require very tightly written stories where there's not a lot of room for this sort of sensory writing, which is why I usually save my more thoughtful, descriptive stories for competitions.
I was scrambling for something to post, so I pulled out something from my files. This was published in Jan/2012, and was really more about longer writing, novel length writing. In one of my WW romances that got published, I threw in some of the senses...they all got cut by Johnene and she added an element to the story that she liked. She added several sentences about Sherlock Holmes and Watson. But I'd like to think she was attracted to the story to begin with because I wrote it 'so darn pretty'. :)
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