Appearing in issue #23, June 8, 2015

Title:  Color me scared

By Author:  Robin Kristine Ireland and Tracie Rae Griffith

 

Tag line:    When the sergeant stopped at the salon for a manicure, she got the kind of break she wasn’t expecting!

Police characters:   Sgt. Kelly Winslow

The gist:    The bank has been robbed two days ago.  Sgt. Winslow and the rest of the force had been working nonstop on the case, but Winslow had today off.  It was a Sunday.  Their prime suspect was Lee Simon, a former convict.  His old van had been spotted at the scene and found hours later at the edge of town, the engine blown. Speculation had him still in the area, perhaps walking back through the woods to his ex-wife or to try to get another car from his buddies.  Winslow was at the salon getting her nails done.  She shook her head, trying to forget the case on her day off.  The usually chatty salon owner, Marie, was quiet, and her associate was absent.  When Winslow asked about the partner, she was told Janice was picking her kids up from school.  Marie tried to get Sgt. Winslow to use a color today instead of the normal clear polish she always got.  Winslow declined.  Marie persisted saying she had some new colors.  She suggested Sunset, and placed the bottle in front of Winslow on the table.   When Winslow again said no thank you, Marie suggested the color Onward, and placed that next to the first bottle.  Later on the manicurist picked up a bottle of color and said she highly recommended it, calling it Summertime. 

Winslow’s studied Maries’ eyes and Marie gave a little nod.  Winslow put a finger to her lips to indicate that Marie should remain quiet.  She pulled her gun from her purse and headed to the storeroom at the back of the store where Simon was hiding crouched behind a stack of boxes.  She apprehended him and let Janice, who was bound and gagged, out of the closet.

How did she figure out where he was?

Crime scene:    Bank robbery.

Clues:    The nail polish names.  The day of the week.  

Suspects:   Only one, Lee Simon.  The mystery to solve was his location.

Red herrings:    None.

Solution:   The nail polish colors Sunset, Onward and Summertime spelled out SOS.  Also as it was Sunday, Janice couldn’t have been picking her kids up from school.   Sgt. Winslow knew something was up.

My two cents:    I think this story was overdone and had some believability problems.  My nail salon is closed on Sunday.  I would have placed the story on a Saturday just to avoid any conflict in any reader’s mind.  The authors were trying to think outside the box and present us with a fresh story, but I think they got caught up in trying to produce a clever clue.

Clue:  If the bad guy is hiding in the back room crouched under some boxes, couldn’t Marie have just written out a quick note to the sergeant while she kept up her friendly chatter?  “Help.”  “He’s in the back.”  All the color nonsense was a bit over the top and iffy at best.   That Janice was picking her kids up from school was a good hint. 

Motive:  We don’t need to know the bank robber’s motive.  This isn’t that kind of story.   I don’t penalize a story by holding back a star for motive when one isn’t necessary.

Police Work:   A couple of problems.  First of all when you have a major crime, all days off and leaves are cancelled.  Sgt. Winslow would never have gotten a day off only two days after a bank robbery in her city.  Maybe… MAYBE … a lowly officer, but never a sergeant.  Bank robberies are federal crimes.  The FBI is called in.  “Where’s your sergeant, we’d like to speak to her and see her files.”  “Oh, she's off today getting her nails done.”  WTF?

 Next, she’s trying to relax and get the case off her mind.  That would never happen.  The police are so pumped up, they live, eat, and dream about the case. 

Off duty cops often do carry their ‘weapons’.  They don’t refer to them as guns.

Writing:    I liked the fact that his old car broke down, but there was no mention of having interviewed the ex-wife or that they checked on the buddies.  Why didn’t the bad guy just put the two women in the closet and ride off in one of their cars?  It’s been two days and he’s still in town?  The story mentioned he was holding a knife when he was apprehended.  Where is his gun?  Did he rob the bank with a knife?  I'm assuming he got some loot from the hold-up.  He couldn't pay one of his buddies to drive him out of town?  He's holed up in the back of one of the town's businesses?

Characters:   The sergeant was not believable in her actions.  The manicurist was not believable in the way she chose to tip off the cops.  All she had to do was dial 911 and hang up.  The cops respond to those kinds of calls.  She didn’t think of that, she didn’t think to mouth ‘help’ to the sergeant, she didn’t think to write a note on the sergeant’s bill… but she figured out SOS with the names of nail polish colors?  Sorry, Tracie, it all left me shaking my head.  This story wasn’t up to your usual good standards. 

Appearing in issue #22, June 1, 2015

Title:  Unhealthy appetite for murder

By Author:  Phyllis Whitfield

  

Tag line:     A careful diet and plenty of exercise couldn’t protect the fitness expert from a case of lead poisoning.

Police characters:   Detective Bea Smart and Detective Charlie Young.

The gist:    Wealthy TV exercise guru Mark had been shot and killed in his home.  The detectives arrived within half an hour of the crime. The body, dressed in expensive gym clothes, was found sprawled on the kitchen floor.  Next to him were two gym bags, one black and one purple.  Both bags had splattered orange juice on them.  Also found was the remains of a healthy breakfast; a partly eaten grapefruit, yogurt, and the broken OJ glass.

The victim’s fiancé was present, cover girl Meg.  Meg called 911 when she found the body.  She claimed that she and Mark walked to the gym every morning and that’s how she came to be at his house. The purple gym bag was hers.  She said they were to be married next month.  When asked if Mark had enemies, she told the police that he was a self-made man and had stepped on people on his way up.  She told police to speak to his former tennis coach, Brad, who, according to Meg, despised Mark.  She also suggested the police talk to Mark’s ex-wife, who also hated Mark.

Tennis coach Brad said that he had stopped by the house that morning, saw Mark’s car in the driveway, but that no one answered the door. He claimed that he had no love for Mark but that they were business partners.

The ex-wife was at a yoga class.  She says she too was at the house this morning and had stopped to complain out his late alimony payments.  When the police told her Mark was found shot this morning, she claimed he was alive when she left.  She pointed a finger at Meg the Model, saying she was a gold digger and that rumor had it that Mark was going to dump her for someone who had a cable TV exercise show that could advance his career.

Detective Smart knew who the killer was.

Crime scene:    Mark’s home.

Clues:    OJ on both gym bags.

Suspects:   His girlfriend, his ex-wife, and his business partner.

Red herrings:    None.

Solution:  Meg’s purple gym bag was splattered with OJ which told police she was there when the glass fell from his hand.  She was angry when he told her that he was leaving her, fell into a jealous rage, and shot him.

My two cents:    I thought the clue was neatly in place, and inserted early in the story so that the reader sort of forgot about it.

The tennis coach didn’t really have a good motive. I knocked him off the list right away.  It had to be one of the two women.  Unless she was in the will, the ex-wife didn’t have a motive to kill off her source of money, sporadic as it was.  That leaves the current girlfriend.

 Here’s the true life message, folks.  Don’t mess with women.

Clue:   Decent clue, well placed.

Motive:   The motives were lacking.  Only one suspect had a real one.

Police work:  The detectives told the wife that her ex had been killed by gunshot.  Not a detail they would have revealed.  They asked the tennis guy if he owned a gun but didn’t ask the model.

Writing:  The story flowed well.  The pacing was good.  A typical WW story.

Characters:  Not the strongest. There was nothing memorable about any of them.  No personality.  They were neither likeable nor dislikable. Forgettable really.  And that includes the detectives.  Smart had the clichéd black coffee and a donut for breakfast.

Appearing in issue #21, May 25, 2015

Title:  Unhappy heirs

By Author:  Elizabeth Hawn

 

Tag line:     There’s nothing like the reading of a well to bring out the worst in people!

Police characters:   None.

The gist:    Helen’s will divided her assets equally between her three grandchildren.  When told this by Martha, the executor of the will, only Paula seemed happy.  Jake and Adam were unhappy claiming that Paula had plenty of money and that they needed it more.   Paula’s comment was that she worked hard and was a success and that grandma would never penalize her for that by leaving her a lesser share.  Grandma’s house and most of her assets were sold at auction.  When handed the list of items sold along with the selling price of the home though even Paula was not smiling.   Another list was given to each showing which family heirlooms Grandma wished to leave to each grandchild.  Jake grumbled that Paula’s list had more items of value, particularly a set of silverware, and told Paula she should sell the silver and divide the proceeds.  Paula responded that the silver was left to her because grandma knew she would keep it in the family whereas the boys would sell it.

The items the grandkids were left were stored in a storage unit in town.  They all drove to the facility.  A code was needed to unlock the front door, but no security cameras were seen.  This was noted by Adam who was the only one there when the code was entered by Martha.  The four of them then proceeded to the storage unit where Martha opened it using a key from her purse.   There was much complaining about how to move/ship/store the items that were left to them; heavy desks, boxes of old books, etc.  Paula was smiling though as she inspected not only the silverware but the china that was left to her.

That night each grandchild had their own bedroom.  They were sleeping in Helen’s home.  Helen slept on a pullout bed in the basement.  The next day  while the two boys were out (one was renting a trailer and one was going to a shipping company to get prices) it  was discovered that the silver was missing out of the storage unit.  Martha recalled that her purse had been in the living room all night.  Martha knew who had taken the silver.

Crime scene:    Storage unit.

Clues:    Only Adam was there when the front door code was entered.

Suspects:   Supposedly the 3 heirs.

Red herrings:    None.

Solution:   Only Adam was there when the front door code was entered.  He took the key out of Martha’s purse in the night and hid the silverware in one of the boxes of books his grandma had left him.

My two cents:    A female executor of a will is called an executrix.  

What woman goes to bed in the cellar and leaves her purse on the living room when there are strangers in the house?  None I know of.

We have to eliminate Paula right away as she was the only one happy with the will.  That leaves the two boys, of which only one was present when the code was entered.

You don’t have to be Sherlock to figure this one out. 

How stupid is Adam to think Paula wouldn’t notice one of her two items was missing from the storage unit the very next day.  Did he really think he was going to hide the silverware in a book box and ship it home, and that was going to be the end of it?  Did he not think Paula would call the police and report a theft the minute she realized it? 

Clue:  Yes, the story had a clue.  It was not cleverly hidden… but it was in the body of the story. 

Motive:  Clear motive.  Greed.

Police work:  None.

Writing:  Not particularly impressive.  Executor vs. executrix.  We have a woman leaving her purse unattended; phone, credit cards, money, car keys.   How convenient for the story, but not very believable.

Characters:   Cardboard characters, malcontents for men. 

Got another rejection. ((sigh))

Appearing in issue #20, May 18, 2015

Title:  Package deal

By Author:  John M. Floyd

  

Tag line:     Sheriff Jones was right in thinking that Angela Potts could help him deliver a thief to justice!

Police characters:   Sheriff Jones and amateur sleuth Angela Potts

The gist:    A neighbor saw a delivery man leave a package at her neighbor’s door.  She then saw a man dressed in dark clothes steal the package and walk into another neighbor’s house, said property being a rooming house with four tenants.  The neighbor was old, had bad vision, and it was past sundown when she saw this.

Sheriff Jones picked up Mrs. Potts and put her in the front seat of his squad car and they drove to the rooming house.  The landlord gathered all his tenants, except for one who was not home at the moment.  All the tenants were men.  Mrs. Potts told him it was not a good idea to interview them as a group, but he said it would be fine. Sheriff Potts asked if any of the men had seen anyone unusual around the neighborhood and explained the missing package problem.  They all denied having anything to do with it.  Just then the 4^th man returned home.  Man #1 said he’s never stolen anything in his life.  Man #2 said even if he were inclined to steal he wouldn’t do it that way.  Man #3 said he’s never been in trouble.  Man #4 said he wouldn’t steal a package right off someone’s porch.

Sheriff Jones told Mrs. Potts she was right, he was going to have to interview them one at a time.  Mrs. Potts told him to not bother, she knew who did it.

Crime scene:    Neighborhood.

Clues:    Only the thief knew the details.

Suspects:  The 4 men in the rooming house and the landlord.

Red herrings:    None.

Solution:   Man #4 talked about not stealing a package off the front porch but he wasn’t there when that detail was revealed.

My two cents:    ((Yawn.))

Police work:  I don’t know what police academy Jones graduated from, but he sure doesn’t remember any of his training.  Even Mrs. Potts, a school teacher, knows enough not to interview suspects in front of each other. I don’t even want to talk about the fact that a civilian is in the front seat of a cruiser. 

Gawd help them all if he ever has to do a murder investigation.  In fact, if you want to kill someone, do it in his town.  I guarantee he won’t figure it out.   Hey… how about we knock off Mrs. Potts?  Jones will just have to retire I guess.

Motive:  None given.

Clue:  Yes, there was a clue.  Same old stuff we’ve heard a thousand times but there was a clue in the body of the story. 

Writing:  Nothing to write home about.  You have to wonder why the landlord wasn’t a suspect?

Character work:  Nothing remarkable.  Nothing makes you say ahhhh!  What fun!  Or … very clever!  Now look what you did.  You made me use three exclamation points.    Tsk.

Appearing in issue #19, May 11, 2015

Title:  Double-crossed!

By Author:  Marianna Heusler

  

Tag line:     The wealthy murder victim raised a question for the police: Who benefitted from this death?

Police characters:   Detective Lola Wheeler, Detective Kevin McCarthy.

The gist:    A rich man was found dead by the reservoir, shot in the heart.  His wallet was missing but he still had an expensive ring on.  No blood was found at the scene.  Rich man’s fortune was willed, half to his only living relative, his niece, and half to his housekeeper.   The niece, a petite woman in her 50s, is heavily in debt and furious that the housekeeper is involved, and talking about contesting the will.  She claimed the housekeeper only started working for her uncle six months ago.  The detectives do not suspect the niece right away, although she had motive, because the body was moved and they don’t feel she could have done it herself.  When the detectives visited her home, the niece said she phoned her uncle weekly. She wiped tears and said she couldn’t believe he was dead, and couldn’t believe that he was the victim of a random robbery. She suggested the police question the housekeeper.  

The detectives found the housekeeper to be a plump, middle-aged woman with rosy cheeks. They allowed the niece to accompany then for the interview as the niece said she had never met the housekeeper and wondered if she was a floozy. The housekeeper had just baked a pie and invited everyone in for coffee and pie.  She asked the cops what they took in their coffee and she handed the niece the creamer. She said she was shocked to learn she was in the will.  On the night he was killed the housekeeper said she left early because she wasn’t feeling well.  Rich man was about to take his evening run and was in his running clothes when she left.

Det. Wheeler figured it out.

Crime scene:    Down by the reservoir. 

Clues:    The niece said her uncle was the victim of a random robbery, yet the cops never said anything about a missing wallet.  The housekeeper handed the niece cream for her coffee, yet the two supposedly have never met.

Suspects:   The niece and the housekeeper.

Red herrings:    None.

Solution:  The two woman worked together.   Why?  Dunno.  Money I suppose.

My two cents:    Geez, her only living relative was just found shot to death, and the niece is furious and hollering about contesting the will.  The housekeeper is baking pie and making coffee.  Nice folks.

I suppose money is the motive for everyone here.  The housekeeper was only 6-months into the job and not loyal or friendly with the man.  The niece was in debt. 

I guess the niece wanted to go with the police to make sure she knew what the housekeeper, her partner in crime, was saying.  Too bad.  That’s how they gave themselves away. 

I thought the comment about it being a random robbery was also a clue, as the police hadn’t mentioned anything about the wallet gone missing yet.

I’m not sure why the uncle even put the housekeeper in the will to begin with.  He left half his fortune to a new housekeeper that he wasn’t involved with romantically? 

Why would the niece point the police to the housekeeper when she knew the housekeeper was guilty, saying she must be a floozy and that she couldn’t believe the woman was in the will?  What a moron.

No mention of if the niece had tried to borrow money from her rich uncle and he had turned her down.  It would have been a nice piece of info for the reader. Although they didn’t appear to be very close.

The tag line wasn’t given much thought. 

Police work:  It’s off.  They don’t let suspects tag along on their investigation.  And they don’t sit and have pie in an interview.

Motive:   Not bad.  One woman was in debt, one woman was apparently greedy. 

Writing/Pacing:  Not the worse I’ve ever seen.  Not the best either.  There were too many story problems.

Clue:  There were two clues but the solution only mentions the coffee creamer.

Characters:  Not believable.  Nobody acted in character. 

Appearing in issue 18, May 4, 2015

Title:  The cover-up

By Author:  Joyce Laird

0 STARS.

 

Tag line:    Sheriff Clements quickly discovered which hand had been in the cookie jar!

Police characters:   Sheriff Bob Clements, Deputy Jeff Long

The gist:    Ms. Emma sat staring at an empty cookie jar, while her beloved cat sat in her lap.  $800 was missing from the jar.  Emma’s home was quite warm and all of the occupants were feeling the heat. Emma sat with her neighbor, May, her granddaughter, and her granddaughter’s boyfriend while the police questioned her.   Emma had been gone for a few days, and neighbor, May, had been able to enter the house to care for the cat.  Emma said her mailman knew she’d be gone, and also some of the seniors at her club. Emma’s granddaughter knew she was away. The granddaughter told the police that everyone knows that Grandma Emma keeps money in her cookie jar. 

 Emma left a spare key in the shed, which the handyman and a few others knew about.  May told the police she hadn’t noticed anything out of the ordinary while Emma was away.  While Emma was telling the details, Deputy Long groaned and looked away.  Emma started to cry and when the sheriff tried to put a consoling hand on her arm, the cat hissed and tried to scratch the sheriff.  May showed them the scratches she had on both of her arms that she got while feeding the cat.  May started thinking, then told police that she did hear the cat yowling two nights ago.  She said she went to check on the house but it was locked tight so she left.  At that point the granddaughter spoke to her boyfriend, telling him he’d better go and get changed for his interview he had in an hour.  The boyfriend nodded and wiped the sweat from his face with the sleeve of his sweater and got up to leave.

The Sheriff knew who the thief was.

Crime scene:    Emma’s home.

Clues:    The heat in the house, the cat that scratches, and the guy wearing the sweater.

Suspects:   The way the story unfolded there were numerous suspects, including the handyman. 

Red herrings:    None.

Solution:  The solution was a whopping 106 words long, when probably two sentences would have done it.  The granddaughter’s boyfriend knew about the shed key, knew about the cookie jar, but didn’t expect to be pounced on by the cat.  He wore the sweater to cover up the cat scratches.

My two cents:    I’m having déjà vu with this story.  Cat scratches and a long sleeved shirt.  Seems like that’s been used more than once in the past year.

Police work.  This loses this author one star because police don’t interview all of the suspects together. 

Character work.  When Emma was telling her story, Deputy Long was groaning and looking around.  Nice guy.  He’s sitting with the victim, an old lady who is upset, and he can’t act proper?  There was no reason to have him act like a cad.  It didn’t add anything to the story.   I wish the cat had scratched him. 

Motive.  None was mentioned.

Clue.  Kinda easy.  It’s hot in the house and one guy has on a sweater.  Duh.

Writing/pacing.  Nothing to write home about.  AND the solution was 106 words long.  IMO more care could have gone into the story, and less fluff in the solution.

BTW: I’ve owned cats all my life.  They don’t scratch you when you put down their food. They don’t jump on you and attack you when you walk in the house.  I doubt this author has ever been around cats and thus I’m surprised she didn’t add the clichéd saucer of milk.